Tesla diner Los Angeles. Outdoor patio covering crashes down on woman’s head.

Leave it to Tesla to fuck up having patio furniture.

How long until it locks everyone inside and catches on fire?

The patio covering was engineered to a one micron tolerance. It was, without a doubt, the most advanced patio covering in the history of the world.

They have a great history with glue! Did Elmo leave the lid open after taking some breaths?

Everything they build needs to have a way to kill their customers or it's not aligned with the brand image.

Kind of tracks with the Tesla theme - random parts flying off in the wind.

This is very on brand! Consistency!

Diner has same build quality as a Cybertruck.

Jesus Christ, i'm staying AWAY from that death trap.

Not just the burgers come in little cybertrucks, the whole fucking place is cybertruck quality build. I'm laughing so hard right now

LMFAO

Remember when that illegal X sign on the Twitter building fell down within days of its... uh... erection? This guy can't do anything right.

Hope she actually goes to the hospital or that lawsuit may not be as fruitful as she thinks

Incoming 250 million dollar lawsuit for traumatic brain injury.

Tesla finds new ways to really mess up. They need to just focus on cars, improving the supervised driving experience, build up the battery business, expand charging networks, and fire Elmo. I know that means the stock drops to $15 per share but at least Tesla will have a better more focused and possibly longer future.

Only if it was Giga-injection molded in a hypertube vacuum...

Doesn’t look too high hopefully the can access the rooftop and jump in the event of 🔥

Lmao she probably didn’t pay for the upgraded software that keeps it from falling.

MFW there’s a sheet of paper with 4 point font saying that by ordering food you agree to arbitration for any injuries you receive on premises

Or she tweeted something mean about Elon and how insecure he is.

That’s patio hardware 4.

How? I thought Elmo knew more about manufacturing than anyone on the planet

Let the lawsuits begin

Who would have thought a giant metal screen needed more than a 1" wide metal bracket attaching it to the pole. I think this needs a mechanical recall. One little rivet should do. Worked so well on the Cybertruck.

"It barely missed our baby’s head by inches" - watch as Musk spins this into a huge win, claiming Tesla's CyberCovering™ deploys patented AI-powered trolley-problem optimisation technology, which caused it to swerve mid-collapse to hit the mother's head instead of the baby's. Perhaps he'll send a bill for $8000 to the family, too, for making use of it.

Elon will sue her now.

Glued together

Seems like the cybertruck is the perfect mascot for this place.

It is a multi planet patio covering.

They must of used the same glue the cyberfuck is held together with. When will everyone wake up and run from this dog shit company.

Discovery might be interesting. Hoping for lawsuits from neighbors behind those stupid screens.

FSD disable at it falls I presume

On brand. Everything he does turns out to be cheap trash

Who’s actually surprised? That man is such a sloppy mess!

"Tesla's security team reviewed surveillance footage and confirmed the strike on video." At first glance that read to me like the report of something successful, like a military drone strike that worked out, and imagined that scene you always see when a SpaceX rocket has blown up, and all Musk's sycophantic, infantile-looking, permagrinning staff are huddled in a huge mass, jumping up and down, with the sound of celebratory screaming filling the air.

Classic Trsla

FSD disconnected 2 seconds before it hit her - so she should have taken control and dodged it herself.

The terms & conditions of being seated at the Tesla Cafe include a section that states that one second before impact any patio furniture or piece thereof becomes your personal property and thus Tesla cannot be liable for you getting domed by your own stuff.

It’s an engineering issue so totally makes sense.

They went with the full self diving overhang

Diner with a security team.

Good luck with that lawsuit. If Teflon Tesla can weasel out of suits from autopilot smashing into stationary vehicles or inescapable cybertrucks burning their occupants alive they aren’t going to be all that bothered by a bump on the head from mis-installed patio furniture.

Like I said, very consistent!

On Brand!

It might be worth checking the public record to see if the diner’s opening inspection is up to snuff. Holding temperatures, hand washing stations, sanitizer concentration, food storage sanitation, hairnets. That sort of thing. Makes you wonder.

“I still love the patio but…” tweet incoming

This was not Tesla's fault. The support was disengaged .5 seconds before collision. Due to this the patio cover was under operator control prior to the accident and was not self supporting. Tesla's patio furniture self support has a zero failure rate based on all filed incident reports.

I heard it was manufactured by the most advanced alien dreadnaught of a factory where wind resistance is the only constraint.

Teslas are the modern day duck boats FR

The settlement will be a Neurolink implant

There are definitely going to be plastic bits (not metal-this is Tesla we're talking about here) in the food.

That's what I say while passing cybertrucks on the interstate

Elon will probably sue the women for defamation or some other ridiculous claim.

I rarely, literally, laugh out loud when reading things online. I did when I read your post, well done!

They can't even create a diner that's safe. God what a joke.

Blame the media. Somehow.

On one hand I feel bad for them, on the other hand they went to a Tesla restaurant. What did they expect if not shoddy construction and flying parts?

Would be a nice bet on Polymarket

The whole thing looks like they just did it all, in a hurry, without any kind of planning or approvals. Those screens in front of nearby residents' balconies, for example. You'd need planning consent to erect those in the UK, which would take ages, there'd be a consultation process, those affected would, understandably, object, and permission would be refused. You must have similar processes in the US, so, presumably, Musk just ignored all the rules, and got everyone involved to get it built ridiculously quickly and opened it.

He will sue her for not getting guacamole on her quesadilla for $5 extra and call it illegal collusion on the part of woke customers.

TIL there's a Tesla restaurant. WTF

I have no clue how nimbys don’t care about huge screens larger than the apartment building being built but a low cost housing development thousands of retired nimbys will be out protesting at 10 am.

Reality hits hard, doesn’t it?

But cybertruck glue makes this existentially impossible

Hardware 5 in 2 weeks definitely doesn't fall.

Nice to know that the restaurant is built with the fine exacting level of quality that the cyber truck is built with

https://bsky.app/profile/lazarou.mastodon.social.ap.brid.gy/post/3lusuzrhihyb2 No inspection needed.

Hardware 5 is the one that turns the patio into a boat

Thank you musk may I have another!

Epic Bacon At The Tesla Diner

Can't sue, beta testing. Here, have some goodwill bacon in cardboard container shapped like a dumpster.

As soon as HW5 is stabilized they should be able to offer full self-shading and curly fries to their legacy patrons in the form of an upgrade

FSD Failed Safe Dining

Hardware 5 solves world hunger but pending regulatory approval

Within spec.

It should be called the Cyberburger.

is the patio covering that stick with a circle attached to it? is this their shade?

Final Destination: Tesla

Full Self Attack Mode. I hope she goes to the bank.

💀

womp womp

Yes, it went through production hell. Elmo slept next to it.

That’s what you get for eating at the Nazi cafe. Put a dollar in a Nazi’s pocket, get a lump on the head. It’s science.

So emblematic of the company.. the roof is collapsing all around them

The patio covering clips disengaged 2 seconds before crashing down, and the woman failed to take evasive action after disengagement. Therefore, Tesla is absolved of all liability.

The “Hot potato” defense. 60% of the time it works…every time.

Some even say it’s the most beautiful patio covering they’ve ever seen. Actually a lot of people are saying it.

No one knows more about patio coverings than our man

Hardware 6 is the neural implant that auto-orders food and deploys a Inspector Gadget umbrella out of your skull to keep the sun off. Currently installed on 8 human test subjects, only 7 of which have died.

so +10% stock price?

What a surprise

“built like a Tesla”

You're thinking too small. The patio covering addressable market is at least $100T yearly. If Tesla even got 20% of that, rhe stock would be $1,000,000.

The protesting is valid, not much else they can do since it is probably just a fine, be like Bezos and his 18ft high fence around his place where he just pays the fine to have it.

Fully Patio Furniture (supervised).

Typical Tesla...shit falls apart. Tesla quality.

Retail investors are the real winners!

Sub one micron* - designed by the guy who knows more about engineering than anyone else in the world!

Sue sue sue. But they probably had to sign a release of liability to eat there

Stock up 15% in after hours trading.

You were planning on visiting before this?

It probably mistook her for a child

Nobody know more about patio cover manufacturing than Elmo.

Tesla used the same “technique” on the patio covering as on the cybertruck’s panels.

Few days and already a lawsuit. Emblematic of a Musk company

The next Starship launch will fix it.

To be fair to this - it added 80 superchargers in area with a lot of electric cars. Like I’m super torn on using it but it’s 80 more chargers than I had 2 weeks ago.

Oh yeah—it/I ordered extra mayonnaise. I guess I like mayonnaise now. 😬 It/I are happy. 🥴👍

It was collusion, you guys. I saw it. Pretty sure I saw it. Yeah.

Why would she think anything made by f’elon would work. Ugh!

Double-faced tape failed, known issue with install from the factory. Open a ticket in the app and they’ll cover it under warranty

Built to even higher standards and tolerances than the Cybertruck

Unfortunately eating while operating voids the warranty

Forehead Smashing Device

Engineering isn’t Tesla’s strong suit. The food probably sucks too.

She was supposed to supervise it and be ready for it to do the worst possible thing at the worst possible time also she's a pedo.

It's so fucking on brand it literally hurts

Inexcusable. Nelo almost killed a mom and baby. Shut it down.

Full self-retract mode, no doubt.

If they were truly on brand, they’d lock the doors and hide the emergency release under an unlabeled panel at the bottom of the door frame.

Concerning.

Elon about to fund someones early retirement.

At least it didn't go thru...

Working as designed by tesler motors

💀

You can't make this shit up.

Everything built by Tesla tries to kill people.

Someone decided not to pay for the "The patio cover NOT smashing me in the head" optional upgrade.

I really wouldn't be surprised at all if they designed these patio covers themselves in-house. The bracket looks under-strength which would be on par with Tesla engineering. Or it failed to be tightened, which is also typical Tesla fitment.

Likely a pay-off, hush up, and NDA And we'll never hear of it again.

Supervised outdoor patio cover (Beta).

What else did anyone expect from F'Elon? He's too busy blowing up rockets, running his auto business into the ground, and fucking up government agencies to put any effort into his side job restaurant

HW upgrade 7 gives you cold, rubbish food you didn't order and don't like, debits your bank account for 300% more than the menu says, then writes a glowing review in your name

I thought the pronoun was Welon... As in, Welon are happy.

Jesus that makes me … oh so nauseous. It’s kinda perfect.

Full self palming

Lawsuit incoming?

Looks within spec...

UnplannedDisassembly has entered the chat.

That's the kind of build quality and engineering Tesla is known for.

Well, that's on-brand for Tesla.

Who would have thought a few sand bags wouldn't be enough to hold a sign down from wind loads?

A patio umbrella bracket isn't much bigger but it is symmetrical. Tesler has to use a cantilevered single point attachment to be cool and new when the normal solution is something that has hundreds of years of proven use.

And the stock is still > $300/sh

I am glad it did not hit the baby. I am also not felling any sympathy for people who decided to go eat there.

It’s within spec

While I feel bad…I think it’s karmic for having lunch at the Tesla diner…

I heard that patio covering will be full self driving in the year 2049.

> Remember when that illegal X sign on the Twitter building fell down within days of its... uh. Haha . It didnt fall down but it looked very unsafely installed there . There are pictures. He ordered it removed one day, and the planning department had already complained and wanted an inspection But yea it was days

Musk said he is engineer and decision to use glue was "inspired by genius" . Hyper patios coming soon

Elon knows more about manufacturing than any other human alive today. Fasteners can fail, just leave them out. Every input is error.

That poor Nazi

We are at least a decade ahead, of uh, yeah, the rest on the world, in terms of patio cover technology, definitely #1...it's not even close... ...buti apparently there are always a few ppl who are inherently unsafe and dont know how to safely navigate such perfevt tech

Definitely end to end AI stack build v103657.1.1.3.usethis would have resolved this issue

At Tesla failure is not an option. It comes as a standard with every trim level.

By the end of the year, they will be manufacturing and selling 500 million patio covers

Don't worry, they'll release fully-selfstaying patio furniture somewhere next month.

E. Coli comes next.

Same glue as cybertruck panels? 🤔

It’s so sad that Elmo can’t even get one small win. Karma? There really is a God?

I'm glad she and the baby are ok. But now I dread the appearance of the Optimus. And the first time someone asks it to "give me a hand".

What is a tesla diner? They service your tesla and feed you?

They’re a “tech company”, not a patio furniture company. So totally not their fault.

People already reported feeling ill after eating there and there were boxes of food seen sitting outside in the back in the sun. Lots of reasons to stay away.

Wait…this “patio furniture” from the article looks like a giant circular shade cloth attached by two points of contact to flimsy metal braces? So it is a giant fucking sail to be caught by the wind and swung around like a hammock on a breezy day? Like how can you fuck this up that bad?

Oh it’s labeled. Says “Beware of the Leopard”

Since they do everything, they should be valued like the sum of all other companies, right?

It was built by Optomus construction robots. Monitored by the Tesla taxi team.