The nocturnal robot

Finally at least somebody gets the big picture behind Tesla! I thought I was the only one, fighting the lonely fight. Keep the good work up brother or sister!!!

Umm i don't know man, I think I'd prefer my robot to stand guard over the top of me at night to keep me safe from the other robots. Besides, he can hold my penis for me when I get up to go for a piss at 3am.

I could be wrong pal, but I believe OP's post is something called satire - look it up.

Yeah man, probably i overestimated my postings here, but mine is as well clearly ironical. I fucking hate that company and everything that mass murderer elon musk touches

Bullshit! The robots are for when we move to Mars next year in early 2026. They’ll being doing cool and edgy Mars things and all the poors left on earth will be jealous at all us Musktians with robot slaves at Mars Base X: Colony X-42069-X.

He just posted a video of Marques Brownlee reviewing a Tesla that he bought and was nobbled on, by playing a video of the review in the back of a driverless car on his shitty geofenced track. This is obviously meant as a big I told you so but I fail to see how so? So is Marques now getting what he paid for? Does he have to move to Austin and pay a remote driver from India on top of his subscription if he moves? The fucking arrogance of a company director to mock a paying customer he's nobbled to 100s of millions of his followers is just astounding!

NOW you're thinking. Part of the problem of the "straight" un-ketamined world to appreciate Musk's genius, is the lack of imagination. At the moment there is no 3am-penis-holding service, so it's not obvious to analysts how important that may be to the economy of the future.

Another new twist. Tesla insurance is starting to lose money. Increasing number of claims. Normal insurers panic when they hit the 90-95% threshold. Tesla insurance is at 121%. They’ll probably start screwing Tesla owners when it comes to filing new claims.

The robots are going to be running around giving hand-jobs at night, aren't they?

We r moving to Mars in two weeks

I think you're onto something. A lot of Musk's insights sound to me like 1940s science fiction. And in the 1940s there were science fiction shows (on radio) that focused on the letter "X" Dimension-X [https://archive.org/details/OTRR\_Dimension\_X\_Singles](https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Dimension_X_Singles) X-minus-One [https://archive.org/details/OTRR\_X\_Minus\_One\_Singles](https://archive.org/details/OTRR_X_Minus_One_Singles) I hope you and I (and Reddit) get credit for this. We may have really cracked the code to understanding Elon. Here is an episode specifically about robots (future historicans, please note!) [https://archive.org/details/r9kkuk7my2bokjfnbm5wutzjzpyedpzbnz0cyh1q](https://archive.org/details/r9kkuk7my2bokjfnbm5wutzjzpyedpzbnz0cyh1q)

The Big Taxi does not want you to know how lucrative the midweek night time taxi business is in rural America. 🤑

Go on, treat yourself to a 3am sit down piss.

For a price, Ugarte, for a price. Personally I am looking forward to the Optimus models with easily interchangeable quick-customizable bosoms (with built in warmers, like car seats with built in warming).

Those robots need live operators, just like cybercabs. Keep on selling pipe dreams to naive investors that the future is just around the corner. It's always been with Tesla, and it never comes. It's always "by the end of next year", for 14 years already.

Regardless of FSD they make good porta potties that one can take a dookie in the back of.

You’re missing the good part…”Base XXX”. Our savior is so funny! Jokes aside, you might be right about his insights, but most likely he’s just an idiot that thinks naming companies, kids, etc. after the most used variable symbol is super nerd cool and edgy.

I was wondering why TSLA was +2.5% in overnight trading and I realised it must be this post. To the moon when the market opens!

Agreed. FSD was “coming soon” as far back as like 2017. And it’s still not here.

You left out the integration between xAI, Optimus, the Acme Jetpack, Robotaxi and FSD which will be called JAXOF.

Very good! Like Models S3XY (sexy) Musk reveals the big plan via acronyms.

This sounded great until I read you expect me to allow my friends and relatives to use my Optimus for free. I'm not a damn charity!

Well? These all have to work, none of which do today

By the end of next year, every year, it’ll be ready

lol, ain’t that the running joke?

Tesla loses money making cars. And now will forever.  It has $50 billion in cash. It wants to give all that to Elon.  So, where is the value?

A Nazi with hair plugs approves!

Can't wait for the Tesla Hollywood reboot of Office Space where Bill Lumbergh is the main protagonist as he figures out what drastic measures need to be taken to boost morale. Mmmmm, yeah...

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The potential for product tie-ins is huge. James Bond driving the Tesla roadster, racing against a Tesla Semi. Meanwhile a cute Optimus robot is roadside, hitchhiking. But might she be working for SMERSH? Drama, intrigue, stock-price boost!

NIght people from Rick and Morty

The idea that falling for a con is a sign of weakness is a common misconception. Falling for Elon takes rigorous discipline -- studying Cathie Wood and Brighter With Herbert (as examples) rigorously, and to the exclusion of all negative facts. Stick to that, and reality won't trouble you so much anymore.

Roughly 4 billion penises in the world, $20k per Optimus unit (no extras), you do the math.

Are those subscription based warmers?

LIES! I'm storing all my optimusses in my strategic optimus reserve to take them out of the market and make them scarce! Once Optimus trade at one trillion dollar per unit, I can just make a blockchain and sell fractional ownership of the optimuses. Then with dividends, My dinasty will be free of labour by hiring the fools that didn't b uy my tokenized Optimuses, that will always exist under constant monitoring to ensure they exist in a deep salt mine. /s

I like my car clean, just can't imagine letting her roam in dark places at night and come home with something disgusting inside.

The sad part if there's like 10% of me that isn't so sure this is satire

Those better be electric jet packs!

That explains the P/E. Huge FCF in sexbots

What’s funny: Even in digitally underdeveloped Germany, there are better Humanoid Robots than at Tesla. [German Robots](https://neura-robotics.com/de/)

Also funny -- is when Herbert and his ilk go ecstatic about the Tesla billios to be derived from robots, there are no use cases. 1. Exactly who is going to buy such things, and for what purposes -- when purpose-built robots (not robots we like because they sorta look like us). 2. For each use case what is the existing competition (as you point out, there is some, but they are not making billions) 3. If the strength of Tesla is to ramp up production to make cheap robots, why would it invest in production without first securing actual orders / customers.

Personally I hope Tesla adopts it the plan in toto. Dear Elon: PM me. I am available to help write copy.

PS... Do you know the Kubrick film "Dr. Strangelove"? One of my all time favorites, and it illustrates the challenge to a satirist to do his job in a time when reality is so weird. Another is "Idiocracy" -- very silly when released, but looks like a documentary now.

Nice satirical take.

My eyes are opened. Now I know why Elon failed at DOGE - There was no X in it.

That is EXACTLY the kind of math "Brighter with Herbert" uses to justify his Tesla projections. : )

You're onto something! Musk touts crytocurrency -- a field which claims scarcity is value. Of course it consists of just numbers in a database, and there's no limit to the databases in the world that can be put on a blockchain. And while total number of Bitcoins may be finite, they are infinitely divisible into fractional units which people actually buy. There's also forks creating substitute Bitcoin blockchains. So not sure where scarcity occurs... But I digress. Tesla may actually be based on scarcity is value. Tesla has not been selling Roadsters, and not many Semi -trucks -- keeping them in a reserve perhaps. The more vehicles manufactured and not sold, the more scarcity, and the higher the TSLA stock price. Recent history validates this view. And YOU figured this out - kudos! The fewer cars Tesla sells, the more valuable the company is. This explains a lot!

1. I strangely agree that Tesla FSD is much better for low speed robots than 65 mph cars. 2. Tesla still needs a robot that works well, is affordable and can actually do shit reasonably well without breaking or being stolen or damaged or simply screwed with.   3. Let's assume they build this future robot and "Full Self automation" goes live with their first series of market ready robots... when does this happen?  4. If Tesla can build them, so can everyone else.  There are other specialized and general humanoid robot manufacturers out there today on the market. Maybe they take the lead? Maybe not, but Tesla does not own this market.m and doesn't seem more advanced than anyone else at this time.  5. You are paying $150 to $200 for every one dollar of future Tesla earnings today.   Assuming you are right, Tesla has to make sizable money these next 5 years to justify its price today, or you are simply paying 10x too much.  6. Let's assume Tesla fixes their customer issues, fixes their FSD issues, launches a humanoid robot ... is today's stock price the lowest price you will find in the next year? Or two years or three years?  I personally don't think stick dripping to "sub $100" is unrealistic considering its current issues. 7. Not to mention, Musk may pull AI and robots out of Tesla any day and his fan boys will allow it.   He's blackmailed his own company for more shares and control or he would go into direct competition with the company he owns for AI. And now he has started a competing AI company.  I'm assuming eventually Tesla will have to buy it from him giving him more control of Tesla yet again and milling his investors when this should have been part of Tesla to begin with.  The conflict of interest here is obscene.

Pay per View, baby!

I could be wrong, but I believe your snark-o-meter needs a wee recalibration….

Poe’s Law is whacking us all pretty hard these days. The Onion can barely keep up.

There’s _gotta_ be _some_ way to tack an extra “F” onto the end.

Don’t worry, Optimus will clean it for you. Assuming you haven’t rented out Opti for a fee, of course.

Well, given your car _and_ your Opti are working 24/7 with no time for such distractions as plugging in to recharge, he’s obviously working on an Infinite Energy Drive™. (He says it will _definitely_ be available in, um, July of next year.) For 1940s or earlier SF references, may I submit E.E. Smith’s Cosmic Energy Drive for consideration — in one series, catalyzed by a handy supply of unobtainium, which I think was a nice touch. Elon’s undoubtedly trying to corner the market as we … um … type.

In reference to Optimus. Why isn’t there an Optimiss yet? Where is the female droid?

Avi: Eighty-six degrees below 0. Rosebud: Where? Avi: Mars. Rosebud: Mars? Avi: Mars. Avi's Colleague: Mars? Avi: Yes, Mars. You know: desert, rocks, no water, bad atmosphere, worse weather, Red fucking Planet... MARS!

I let out my cats instead and they brought me back rats, fresh, live rats running around my house now, for free